goodbyes.

They leave you with an inexplicable feeling. It is quite difficult to put in words actually. But they always leave a profound impact, don’t they?

The first and the foremost feeling you’d associate with goodbyes is sadness. But is it only sadness? I believe it leaves an entirely different, more complex feeling than just sadness. It’s overwhelming to say the least. And of course it differs from situation to situation. Just one word, yet so many situations; be it death or simply moving away, goodbyes can vary to a great extent.

After moving away to an entirely different place, though temporarily, has made me realize how it actually feels. I remember how I made a list of people I wanted to see before moving away, but I had definitely not expected the goodbyes I would have to face and how much they would mean to me.

Just after the end of my exams, I had decided to join this sports academy, mainly because dark clouds of laziness and boredom loomed over me and I believed badminton would be the silver lining. And turns out, it was one of the best decisions I had made in a long time. I was very regular, simply loved the sport and met a lot of interesting people (although quite young). I had befriended this young girl, I could weirdly see my younger self in her; very steadfast as well as equally sensitive. After two months, I had to leave the academy, as the first year of my college was about to start and this is where the stage of goodbyes began. I distinctly remember how simple it was, nothing too extraordinary, just a plain goodbye with hopes of coming across each other again someday. I still vividly remember how she waved to me as I walked away, I could tell she felt the same as I did.

You don’t appreciate the people around you as much as you do when they aren’t around you. It is silly and messed up, but very accurate. I made a list of faces that I wanted to see one last time before going, planned out days accordingly, baked bitter cookies (its the sentiment contrary to that which counts anyway, right?) for those faces, and of course, got lots and lots of weird (sometimes uncalled for) advice in return from the adults. It was fun, to say the least. I manged to catch up with some really old friends of mine as well as managed to meet all of my teachers before starting my first year. One of my other distinct memories of a goodbye is of a close friend, embracing me warmly and telling me firmly that if I needed any help in packing my stuff, then she was the one I should call. It was overwhelming. We’ve been friends for almost ten years now and I just can’t wait to see her face again when I get back.

My close group of friends decided to have one last goodbye sleepover, and it was really one of the best sleepovers I’d had in a while. Good food, classic movies, cheap champagne, card games, nostalgic songs, late night conversations and cheesecakes for breakfast; it was just perfect.

Goodbyes are not always goodbyes. At times they signify the end of a phase, and the beginning of something new. Something strange but inevitable. They are at times filled with hope and best wishes and also promises of staying close despite the distance. They come with sadness and leave with hope. Essential changes in life are bound to bring in certain goodbyes, which one has to learn to embrace. So here I am, fumbling while embracing them because after all, that’s what life is about, isn’t it?

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