I see my mother in me

Now that I live away from my family, I have start knowing more about myself. I have started to realise the kind of traits I exhibit, what I like and don’t like, the kind of life I aim to lead. I like to be organised as much as possible. I like to have at least two home-cooked meals in a day. I like the satisfaction of waking up on time and having tumeric milk. I feel good about myself when I pack warm lunch for myself before heading out for the day. And in those small moments I realise who I’ve started to become like.

I miss my mother so much. She inspires me to become a better version of myself. And to lead life healthily. To cook fresh food, to exercise, and to take care of myself. I find myself acting like her throughout the day. I clean the kitchen before having dinner so that I only have to wash my dishes later. I wrap at least one fruit in a small napkin to snack on when I go out. I always have dry fruits and water in my bag. I make sure to carry a cloth bag so that I avoid plastics. I absolutely never use the microwave. I hate seeing half-cut vegetables in the fridge. I immediately organise and put away my groceries after coming back from the market.

Sometimes I think about how she would have been like when she was my age. And wonder if I’m doing things the right way. I always feel like I could be doing so much more with the resources I have right now. I always feel like I’m wasting potential. I want to live life like her. I want to play the guitar like she does the piano. I also want to go for runs like she goes to swim. I want to garden and read gujarati literature. I want to be strong and resilient like she is. I want to feel confident like her.

When I lock eyes with myself in the mirror, I see my mother in me sometimes. I aspire to be like her.

*Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash