Arguing as a Woman

I feel so unconfident at times. And I feel like I get too emotional while making a point which is why people don’t take me seriously. I hate it. I can’t help it either, I rather believe it’s good I am this emotional about certain things. It shows that I have genuine concern – that I care. I think this entire idea of appearing rational and calm and logical while making strong points is very masculine. Showing emotion is directly linked to my femininity – I think it automatically makes my argument less strong, more laid with emotion, not rational. I hate it. Do I have to consciously work on being more calm while arguing? Being calm in an argument or a discussion definitely does seem to give one an upper hand. Why is that so? Am I right when I say that it ultimately stems from patriarchal notions of calm rationality = strong/valid argument?

I don’t know anymore. While I don’t like the idea of reigning in my emotions just to confirm to masculine ideals of strong arguments, I perhaps will have to do so anyway to get my point across. To be taken seriously. Not to be seen as just another cute girl who talks about the world and gets her opinions mistaken to be idealistic instead of rational and achievable. Who has to smile to not look aggressive, who cares way too much about hurting people’s feelings while putting forward her opinions. And who constantly feels the need to humble herself before speaking. Maybe it is not just about the masculine notion of being calm and rational. Maybe it is also about the fact that I am expected to appear agreeable and non-intimidating, and therefore must refrain from arguing passionately about something. I am so tired and I have no idea how to work on this. Should I even work on it?

Given the current state of the society, I am definitely going to have a lot of friendly or not-so-friendly debates with people belonging to different gender and age groups. Perhaps a lot more with older men who currently hold positions of power. Which is why I will have to work hard to be taken seriously. The way I carry myself and present my ideas would undoubtedly have an impact. However, I dislike the idea of moulding myself to fit into existing patriarchal expectations. I will not restrain myself emotionally. I will probably have to find a balance between the two spectrums – cold logic and emotional vulnerability. What I can do right now is to work towards being well-read. Combining facts with emotion can actually be very convincing. Reading more would also make me feel more confident about my opinions – I would doubt myself a little lesser.

I should not always feel this urge of controlling my emotional expression while arguing. I should not feel the lack of confidence in spite of having considerable knowledge about the subject. I want to feel more confident when I argue. I want to truly and strongly believe in what I think. I don’t want to constantly think about toning myself down while arguing emotionally and worrying what other people might think. Arguing as a woman is tough because battling, more often than not, contradictory social expectations can really take a toll. But I am not going to stop.