No longer addicted to social media

The constant urge to check my phone every minute? Yes, that was addiction. A serious addiction that had slowly chipped away at my creativity, self-control and attention span.

I had always known about my “more than normal” usage of social media, specifically Instagram, but I had not given it much thought. The pandemic had really opened my eyes to how bad it could get. Due to lockdowns and social distancing measures, my social media usage had inevitably increased as I tried to keep in touch with all of my friends. But it had just started to really affect me unconsciously. From endlessly scrolling through posts on my feed or tapping away at random peoples’ stories, I felt consumed but also disconnected. I don’t know even know how to describe the overwhelming state of mind. Be it political posts expressing views on the recent policies passed or the apparently beautiful lives that people seemed to lead virtually in the middle of a pandemic, I don’t know what mentally affected me more. But I had had enough.

Quoting The Social Dilemma, “There are only two industries that call their customers “users”: illegal drugs and software.” I realized the true meaning of this sentence when I attempted to control my usage. It seemed really difficult. I tried limiting my usage to only an hour per day, or 30 minutes but that never worked because I always seemed to exceed the limit somehow (even with the reminders that Instagram sent me). I felt frustrated at my own lack of self control and so, with a bruised ego, I decided to delete the app from the phone and only log in through my laptop on Sundays.

The first week was tough. My hand unconsciously reached towards the phone, desperately trying to find something I could scroll through, be it my gallery or the spam folder of my email. It felt like I was experiencing withdrawal syndrome, both physically and mentally. I realized what addiction actually meant. There were days when I felt blank, unfocussed and completely lost. I had no idea how to get through my day without my usual dose of Instagram and I understood how toxic it had gotten. I had lost my ability to read novels, my attention span had dropped to an unimaginable extent. I did not feel like doing simply anything. I also had a weird paranoia of losing out on friendships if I was not active online.

However, slowly and eventually I did come to terms with it. I tried to spend more time researching on my career, started introspecting on the life I wish to lead and what all I want to do with my time. It started to feel like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders, a burden filled with obligations, insecurities, and distress. I had become aware of how the app is made to function, their main motive being to keep their “users” as active as possible. I found their system of strategic algorithms to be quite alarming and wondered about the level of damage it could inflict on a person’s mental health. Looking at pretty people with flawless lives and socio-political content created (and obsessively shared) without any fact-checking annoyed the depths of my soul. Deleting Instagram was absolutely liberating. I did ensure that I frequently check up on my friends from time to time over WhatsApp and I was so glad to see my friends also appreciate the efforts that I had taken to de-addict myself.

It is not easy at all. But it is definitely possible. And also very important. I got the chance to understand myself and introspect once I started the process of de-addiction. Now I feel proud and accomplished to say that I don’t even feel like checking Instagram on Sundays now and whenever I do, its solely to reply to any messages I might have gotten.

The last time I logged in was probably three weeks ago and I could not be happier to not care anymore.