Love-Hate Relationship

I really dislike keeping expectations from people; it, more or less, always ends in disappointment. I’m just so nauseous, annoyed and disappointed. I never tend to express myself overtly but I feel so strongly and I hate it. I despise how strong feelings can be. I don’t want to feel at times. I just wish to distance myself from such strong emotions.

However, there have been times where some strong emotions have been just blissful. I’ve loved to feel. I’ve felt like floating on clouds, breathing in forests, enveloped by bright stars of the dark sky, melting warm chocolate and wind chimes on a particularly windy day. I have loved feeling.

But then again, the crushing disappointment felt after keeping high expectations from people or circumstances, regret or guilt felt after acting unlike oneself, self-consciousness felt while staring at critical eyes in the mirror, and something as trivial as losing an old eraser, makes me just hate the idea of emotions. I just want to experience the positive strong feelings and cancel out the negative strong emotions.

It is what makes us human. But I just have a love-hate relationship with it.